Healthful Tips

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can’t figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

”Okay, here’s what we do. I’m going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he’s incapacitated.”

”Great,” says the man. ”But what’s the gun for?”

”In case I fall down instead of the gorilla — shoot the dog.”

A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband’s lack of interest in sex.

She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a Lingerie shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned the crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television, and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.

“Want some of this?” she purred.

“Are you kidding?” he replied. “Look what it did to your underwear!”

Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going.

“Really bad,” said the second bee. “The weather has been really wet and damp, and there aren’t any flowers or pollen, so I can’t make any honey.”

“No problem,” said the first bee. “Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. There’s a Bar Mitzvah going on, and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.”

“Thanks for the tip,” said the second bee and flew away.

A few hours later, the two bees ran into each other again, and the first bee asked, “How’d it go?”

“Fine,” said the second bee. “It was everything you said it would be.”

“Uh, what’s that thing on your head?” asked the first bee.

“That’s my yarmulka,” said the second bee. “I didn’t want them to think I was a wasp.”

When I was looking at San Francisco senior homes, I saw this interesting poster that made me rethink about my treatment of cats. Seriously. It will give a whole new outlook to your live and revolutionise your way of thinking.

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

“What are you doing in there?” she asked.

The rabbit asked, “This is a Westinghouse, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” the lady replied.

“Well,” said the rabbit, “I’m westing.”

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now, need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention.

So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife, what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed: P…E…N…I…S.

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

*** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH. ***